Updated: Aug 1, 2019
Do you ever look back at the past 5 years of your life and think "WOW, life has changed." Some changes are for the better and some for the worse. SO many ups and downs in the middle. If the answer is yes, I understand that feeling! Today I want to share my story, and the past 5 years of my life with you.
In 2014, I graduated high school, after being a tri-captain athlete and hanging out with friends every day. I had no idea what was in store for my future but lived in the moment each day and just had fun.
2014 / 2015, I started attending Naugatuck Valley Community College, majoring in special education. I loved the idea of it but I realized that wasn’t my passion. I had gotten a minimum wage job that I learned to hate very quick.
2015, I started getting in (some) trouble, and entered a toxic relationship, in which I lost myself completely, and lost my mind. I experienced my first face to face with anxiety, and it was so bad I didn’t know how to handle myself, my brain, my mind, or my life. I tried going to therapy, and the one session I attended made me feel even worse. My life felt like it was falling apart, and I questioned every little thing about myself. Through it all, I knew that I was in control of my life, and I was the only one who could make myself better.
2016, I hit my all time low of weights, at 102 pounds, and I knew I was not okay. I knew I needed change, so I started my journey with spiritual healing, and finding my inner peace.
I changed my major to digital art and design, where I found my love for art and learned that I am an artist, a creator, a healer, and I was going to change my life. I learned how much of a free spirit I am. I left my toxins behind and made a change.
2017, I brought my weight back up to 120 pounds and I did some traveling and recognized that the world is much bigger than I imagined. I graduated from my community college and felt on top of the world. I had an internship that I absolutely loved and everything was perfect. By the end of the year I found a new love interest that felt unlike anything I’ve ever had. Life was great. Later this year, my mom has been re-diagnosed with stage 4 cancer which had spread to her bones, and she put up such a strong fight.
2018, I moved away for the first time and started living at school. It was completely terrifying and amazing at the same time. I learned independence,
made so many friends, had so much fun, and LOVED LIFE. I got a new job, where I made better money and so many more friends, and quit my old job. Summer of 2018 I went to the Caribbean islands and understood what paradise felt like. Life was great. Soon after, I had my heart broken, which at the time, it felt like it could never be healed. I felt lost again. Life began to feel like it had no purpose. Everything I thought I knew came crashing down on me. I felt defeated. My second semester at Eastern came, and it was a hard one. I was stressed. I had my own health issues. But I put everything I could into my grades, my creativity and my friends and family finished it strong. I was rebuilding myself again. I then got the phone call one day that my mom BEAT CANCER! A complete miracle. There was hope.
2019, I traveled to North Carolina for spring break and had the best time of my entire life. There, I met someone new. Someone who is patient and kind, and cares so much about me as a person, and he was willing to wait until I was ready. I graduated from ECSU with my Bachelors in Digital art and Design, feeling accomplished and happy! Just 2 months ago, I moved back home from school, with my parents.
I still have my freedom, I still have a roof over my head and food every day, I am blessed. However I don’t have the independence that I grew. I don’t have the friends right at my finger tips, and I don’t have alone time like I did. I don’t have class every day to keep me busy and days are a lot more boring.
Here I am now. Life has me feeling scared, feeling suffocated by the unknown, and feeling anxious to what comes next. Life after college is tough. Anxiety came back. I’m tired from nothing. But I am not settling with this. I am under construction to be the best version of myself again. I am finding my inner strength, my motivation, and my drive after all these changes. Healing myself yet again. My family is healthy, and so good to me. I am happy with my relationship status and I know my realest friends.
This isn’t for sympathy, or attention. I simply want to share my story for you to know that you are not alone. Changes can be demeaning and make you feel lost, and broken, but in the end, the sun still rises every morning. Ask for advice. Listen to advice given. Focus on your relationship with yourself and with your loved ones. Don’t be afraid to let your feelings out! The universe is in your hands. Live for small victories, and love all. Do anything you can to feel h a p p y.
Every single person like me have a
past and a story. Let your voice be heard.